9/23/2026
so what now?
much has changed recently, i wanted to write about it sooner but kept forgetting.. i would like to get into the habit of writing more. i went to DC, saw gregory alan isakov at wolf trap (great venue!!), moved back to boston, went to NYC, came back to boston.
moved into my new place. unpacked many boxes, still putting on the final touches but overall i'm quite happy with it :) got myself a nice standing desk and a light fixture that's proving to be unpopular amongst my friends. i'm seeing them quite a lot now, which has been really great. i've also been talking to friends from school a lot. i wasn't sure if we would still keep in touch, but i'm really happy that we are. socializing is probably the only thing that keeps me grounded these days.
and now im.. waiting for the rest of my life to start? it seems my default is to watch the days pass and wait for a sign of what i’m supposed to do. in my rational mind, i know i need to be the one behind the wheel, and that any mobility at all is better than immobility. and yet.. i lounge around, hoping that something is coming.
i’m waiting for many things: a sign, an opportunity, a guide. but i think most of all, it’s for permission. when is it ok to give up? when is it time to conclude that things are not working out the way i wanted them to? i don’t really know what holds me back this much. maybe i’m afraid of making the wrong choice, but i think the wrong choice is to not make one.
i've never really felt this lost or directionless before; it was easy to throw myself into work and it was easy to have ambition when there was a clear goal. do well in school, find a career that was fun and well-paying, find this mythical fun well-paid job. but now, i'm not really sure what to do from here. looking for a job has been a total fucking wash. there's no expectations of how things will unfold. all i keep telling myself is that something has to change. i mean, it just has to. maybe that 'thing' is me?
8/18/2026
heading out soon
finally sharing this blog with friends! hi guysss
i'm going to DC in 2 days and then moving back to boston. i always get kind of sad when i'm leaving home, i like doing my own thing but i also like being in SC and hanging out with family… i've always said it's a blessing to always like where you are but i get sad when i'm leaving both boston and SC.
i've been feeling kinda similarly when it comes to how i spend my time here. there's always a regret that comes with making choices; i've been applying to jobs and networking like crazy but i can't really be present with family then. but if i can't just delay my job search for two months. it's been hard to enjoy my summer with this type of headspace, and it's been hard to enjoy my summer while looking for a job. there will likely be a whole entry dedicated to how depressed i've been while looking.
in these transitional/ephemeral periods, i listen to this song a lot:
also, this is kinda jokes because why is this ipod component the only youtube link wrapper i can find on framer component library??? LOL. just wanted something compact but i aint going through the trouble of figuring out spotify API smh. one cool thing about running this blog on my site is that i get to build the structure and see if it's an actual scalable workflow, bc i definitely wont make updates if it takes me 20+ minutes just to add a new post. i've currently got it set up as a component with 2 variants that i can just copy/paste, but it's not really flexible for adding new elements like this ipod (or pictures, at the request of andrew). will tinker around some more… i do have a substack but i like this a lot better.
8/11/2026
chickens & quails & fish oh my
went to an animal feed store in SC with my dad the other day to buy feed for his chickens ! growing up in NH, i’ve never seen a store dedicated to just animal feed. he got 17% crumbles + meatbird mix from kalmbach farms. im not sure if i have the dedication to raise farm animals like him but writing down just in case i inherit a chicken or two.
he has an incubator to hatch quail eggs and he lets them grow in a box in the kitchen for the first few weeks, because it gets too cold at night. he marks on the calendar when they’re big enough to move them outside. he’s pretty attentive when it comes to these things. he had a fish tank when we lived in our apartment. my mom says he used to keep red birds in indonesia, but he’d always worry about them when he and my mom went on vacation. it’s kind of sweet. he builds stuff too. i have a lot to learn from him.
8/4/2026
hihi
got this idea from my friend mason over on his site masongao.com. thought it would be cool to keep a diary of sorts; i actually used to write quite a bit but fell out of the habit after high school.
i always liked that scene in the social network where he liveblogs (?) his thought process when building facemash, so i’ve started a “change log” for my portfolio as well. like dev notes i guess.
i’d like to hope that i keep up with this frequently, but i have a feeling that having high expectations is setting a trap… so we will see how things play out.
byebye